I knew it was coming...

It hit and I missed it.  It's been over 1,000 days since I was logged in for Emma's adoption.  And that's just since LOG IN...that doesn't count the 5 months before that of paperwork and waiting.  Nor does it count the year prior to that that I was waiting on a single's spot with my agency...

Somedays I lose sight of what I am waiting for...this week has been one of those at times.  I've emailed the agency that is supposed to get Faith's referral.  The lady who responded was so cold...she had no compassion for the desperateness of my plea...no heart for the time I've waited...not even ears for my story.  I just sat at my computer and cried.  Sometimes I just look at that little sweet face...and it still takes my breath away...

How many more days?  How many more posts about waiting?  How many more months will I add to my count?  I'm at nearly 34 now...it just feels hopeless.  But more than that I feel anger...anger because I know there are babies who need homes and families, but yet they are laying in an orphanage - sometimes with very little care.  I am becoming more and more convinced that this is all a plot...a ploy to "rid" the country of it's children with special needs.  Please don't misunderstand me...I am not saying that these children are not of value...they certainly are, but I think China may see them as more of a burden to their future.  And slowing the wait down is certainly raising awareness of and frequency of special needs adoptions. 

Just my thoughts...for what they are worth...

Because I know you will love this too!

When I was working on my Masters degree, I lived in what we called "married student housing"...'cept I wasn't married.  I believe it has since evolved in to "non-traditional student housing."  Anyway, for part of the time, I had a roomie.

This is her - my former roomie -  with her sweet family!

We had classes together and were even at the same school for our internship.  I knew then that she was fabulously creative, but seriously...I had no idea!  Most of the time when I comment on her blog, I jokingly say that she made me throw up just a little bit!  She is totally...I mean totally unbelievable...in so many ways.  She is a super dear friend...one of those that even when you don't talk for months or even years, you can just pick right up!  Her model to me as a wife and a momma...phenomenal!  And her creative expertise...totally sickning...and I say that with much love and respect!  :)

Her blog,  Happy Day,  is one of my very favorites cause her ideas are super simple...but the effect is HUGE!  Check out what she did with a seemingly "useless" nook in her house...brilliant, I tell you!  BRILLANT!!!

Love you, tiff!  I feel like breaking into an 80's Chicago ballad..."you're the inspiration!"  :)

By the way...It was I who stole HER cute blog background!  She's got good taste...I couldn't resist!

Faith

Nearly three weeks ago, I saw this precious face for the very first time.  Immediately, my heart fell in love.  I was drawn to her like a magnet - couldn't get her off my mind.  My love for this girl is overwhelming...it was -and still is -my hope and prayer to adopt her.  I have made several calls and prayed more prayers than I ever thought possible, but for several reasons it is unlikely that I will be able to call her "daughter."  It was a difficult answer to hear, but I continue to trust that God is working in both of our lives.  Maybe, just maybe, I was drawn to her - not to be her Momma, but to be one who would impact her life in a major way...from afar.  If God has drawn me to her for just such a reason, that will be blessing enough.

Let me tell you more about her.  Her name is Faith - and boy is she growing mine!  Faith was born January 20, 2009.  She has a large hole in the lower part of her heart- the medical term is VSD.  This condition requires surgery.  Currently, she is being cared for in a special care foster home in Beijing - Morning Star Family Home.  This foster home is run by an American couple named Bill and Lynsay Lewis.  They have a tremendous heart for the Lord and for the cause of the orphan.  Faith was brought to them from an orphanage just a few months after birth.  Though she was malnourished at first, she is gaining weight and is the light of the home!  There's not a picture of her anywhere without that bright smile!  It is their prayer - and mine - that she will remain in stable condition and gain a bit more weight prior to surgery.  She weighs about 15 pounds now and they are hoping that she will be able to reach about 20 pounds prior to surgery.  Lynsay said that it is likely that they will schedule her surgery close to the beginning of the year.  It will be important for her to have this surgery before her size begins to cause difficulty on her heart.  The surgery will cost about $5,000. (USD)

I began fervently praying for someone with $5,000 to come forward willing to pay for her surgery.  Then, my friend Tanya made such a wise suggestion.  I was feeling so sad that it seemed unlikely for me to be her Momma.  Tanya suggested doing something positive...making sure that they had the money needed to provide the surgery for this baby to live.  I may not be her Momma, but I sure can do my best to pull together friends, family, and strangers to give this little one what she needs!

So friends, I need your help!  Very few people have $5,000 laying around, but LOTS of us have $20 or more that we could give to make a difference.  I know and trust that the money you give will go directly to provide this surgery for Faith.  Would you please, please, join with me in making a difference for Faith.  It is my goal to raise this money - at least $5,000 by December 31, 2009. 

No, I may not be her Momma - although I am still praying about that, but at least...at least I will know that I did something to make a positive impact for someone else.  You can be a part of that too!

I have created a Chip in where you can donate - right here!  just Click the chip in on the right hand side of the blog.  Or you can go directly to Morning Star's site to make your donation via PayPal.  But don't stop there...in order to make certain that it does go toward Faith's surgery, send a quick email to Bill and Lynsay indicating that you made a donation for Faith.  Or, if you want to send a check or give me cash, you are welcome to do that...just email me maxandemma@btes.tv and I will add it all in! I can't wait to see what we can raise - together - for Faith.  Any extra raised will also go to help babies at Morning Star!

Praying in FAITH that together we will raise this money!

A blob of infection

Being a school teacher has allowed me to build up a freakishly strong immune system.  Earlier this year when more than half of my class was out with H1N1, I didn't even have a sniffle.  But, yesterday my voice started getting a little scratchy and my chest a little burny...this morning I woke up with no voice at all.  It was too late to call a sub so I decided to trudge on through...I didn't feel sick - just sounded horrible.

As the kids came in and I told them what to do for morning work, they were so funny!  They were even whispering to each other and to me!  They were fabulous today and I am so thankful.  Yesterday was a really rough day so it was a very welcome change - especially in light of the lack of a voice.

I decided to go to the doctor after school and I am glad I did...could have ended up worse as I have become a blob of infection.  My ears, sinuses, throat and chest are all full of infection, but no strep or H1N1!  Ten days of antibiotics and steroids (for the inflammation in my vocal chords that's causing the laryngitis)...and as few days of voice rest (yeah, right!)... and I should be good as new.

Tonight, I spent about 2 hours getting sub plans ready...pity the sub that has to work on a holiday!  it's so much easier to just go sick most of the time...but teaching with no voice is pretty useless - no matter how well behaved the kids are.  So tomorrow, I am looking forward to sleeping in and being a couch potato while watching episode after episode of Little House!  Hopefully, i will have my voice back by Monday...although the last time this happened, I was voiceless for 2 solid weeks.  And it's awfully hard for me to be on voice rest!

On my heart

It's been a wild month for me...lots of situations that have been frustrating.  I feel as if I am being tried and tested over and over.  Sunday at church, the communion meditation was about testing - perfect timing.  The text was Genesis 22.

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1 Some time later God tested Abraham. He said to him, "Abraham!"

"Here I am," he replied.

2 Then God said, "Take your son, your only son, Isaac, whom you love, and go to the region of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains I will tell you about."

3 Early the next morning Abraham got up and saddled his donkey. He took with him two of his servants and his son Isaac. When he had cut enough wood for the burnt offering, he set out for the place God had told him about. 4 On the third day Abraham looked up and saw the place in the distance. 5 He said to his servants, "Stay here with the donkey while I and the boy go over there. We will worship and then we will come back to you."

6 Abraham took the wood for the burnt offering and placed it on his son Isaac, and he himself carried the fire and the knife. As the two of them went on together, 7 Isaac spoke up and said to his father Abraham, "Father?"

"Yes, my son?" Abraham replied.

"The fire and wood are here," Isaac said, "but where is the lamb for the burnt offering?"

8 Abraham answered, "God himself will provide the lamb for the burnt offering, my son." And the two of them went on together.

9 When they reached the place God had told him about, Abraham built an altar there and arranged the wood on it. He bound his son Isaac and laid him on the altar, on top of the wood. 10 Then he reached out his hand and took the knife to slay his son. 11 But the angel of the LORD called out to him from heaven, "Abraham! Abraham!"

"Here I am," he replied.

12 "Do not lay a hand on the boy," he said. "Do not do anything to him. Now I know that you fear God, because you have not withheld from me your son, your only son."

13 Abraham looked up and there in a thicket he saw a ram [a] caught by its horns. He went over and took the ram and sacrificed it as a burnt offering instead of his son. 14 So Abraham called that place The LORD Will Provide. And to this day it is said, "On the mountain of the LORD it will be provided."

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Abraham believed God and lived his life trusting Him and following him.  When his faith was put to the test in this unfathomable situation, Abraham continued to show that his faith was utterly and undeniably in God.  Talk about passing the test! 

So now, the question for me is...when I am put to the test, do I continue to show that my faith is in my God - no matter what?   Or do I fall into the pit of cursing Him for putting me to the test?

I am working to continue to show that my faith and belief in my God is only growing stronger.  And I am reminded again that when I pray - boldly and in line with the will of God - that HE WILL ANSWER!  Maybe not in the way that I had hoped, but He is the one who knows best...and I will rest and find my peace in that.

Lately, there's been a chorus of a Michael Card song going through my mind.  I want to share this with you because it has helped in those moments when I felt like walking away...giving up...cursing God for putting me through these difficult tests.  Maybe it will help you as well.
 

To hear with my heart,

To see with my soul,

To be guided by a hand I cannot hold,

To trust in a way that I cannot see,

That's what faith must be.

That's What Faith Must Be

By Michael Card

HYSTERICAL!

Be sure to pause the playlist music on the left!  Then hit play...and prepare to laugh!

It's that time of year...

Well...it's fall, y'all!  I got out my fall decor last week...I love this felt picture.  I love decorating for all seasons, but I must admit that behind the "given" of Christmas decorating, fall is my favorite!  Once it hits though...so does the Christmas spirit!  I am one of the crazies that begins listening to Christmas music in October.  Somehow my seasons colide!

So tonight...I made chocolate chip cookies - another cool weather favorite past time is baking - and listened to Christmas music!  Somehow the cookies taste better with a little Christmas spirit.  Tonight's choice was Jim Brickman - Peace.  Great listening!